


Realizations (Part 1)

by aostara



Series: Realizations [1]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Chloe Decker Needs A Hug, F/M, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, No Smut, POV Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Season/Series 05 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:55:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27138323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aostara/pseuds/aostara
Summary: After the end of Season 5A, a quiet evening in the penthouse leads to a few realizations.  Lucifer POV.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Series: Realizations [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984717
Comments: 28
Kudos: 138





	Realizations (Part 1)

“You died.”

Hearing the hushed exclamation from across the room, Lucifer paused in the act of pouring himself a drink, glancing askance toward the desk, which was currently buried under a pile of old case files.

Unaware of their partnership's more unique aspects but impressed by their close rate, the new lieutenant was considering adding more civilian consultants to the roster, but wanted an ROI analysis in hand first. True to his word, Lucifer had been delighted to support the “new normal” by transporting the necessary paperwork to the penthouse and was looking forward to an evening of sipping fine scotch while waxing nostalgic with his Detective.

“Pardon, darling?”

Eyes wide with dismay, Chloe met her partner’s concerned gaze before resting a trembling hand on the file she’d been reviewing.

“During this case. You….” She broke off and drew a shaky breath. “You **_actually_** died. You told me at the time but….” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I didn’t believe you.”

Lucifer reflected for a moment, then adopted a carefree tone. “Ah, yes. Our old friend Professor Carlisle.”

Narrowing his eyes at the Detective’s increasing pallor, he poured a generous amount of single malt before crossing the room.

“What? No! This is the file about Malcolm… Trixie’s kidnapping.”

Scowling, Lucifer belatedly realized how disturbing reviewing these files could turn out to be. He pressed the tumbler into Chloe’s hand before gently urging it towards her lips.

She took a healthy swallow, staring blankly at the hand resting on her arm, guiding her movements.

“Twice?” 

Lucifer caressed her cheek before tilting her face up, leaning down to press a kiss to her furrowed brow.

“Twice,” she repeated, her voice stronger now – a statement rather than a question. “You died **_twice_**. For me. Because I was close to you.”

Feeling oddly embarrassed and slightly defensive, Lucifer offered her a tentative smile. “I… well, yes. But, as you say, I did mention it at the time. And, technically, the second time was on purpose.”

“On pur...?” Chloe shook her head sharply, her refusal to get sidetracked evident in her posture. Tears brimmed in her eyes as she gestured to the stack of files. “And all this – stabbings, fires, explosions, shootings.” She trailed off, setting the glass down on the table before twining their fingers together in a white-knuckled grip. “Oh. Oh no. Pierce… your wings.”

Lucifer watched as the realizations washed over her, sincerity shining in his eyes as he replied, “Yes, Detective. And I would do it all again if it meant keeping you safe.”

Chloe stood, pulling him into a desperate hug, clinging to him as if he would disappear if she didn’t hold on tight enough.

“Oh, Lucifer, I’m so sorry,” she murmured into his chest, tears finally escaping her control.

Lucifer wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her hair. “You have nothing to apologize for,” he soothed.

She pulled back far enough to look him in the eye. “I do. I’m sorry I was upset about you not being vulnerable around me anymore. I don’t care what it means about your walls, or you not being able to trust me, or… or… anything else.” She stroked his jaw, rubbing her thumb over the spot where a dimple habitually peeked through his stubble. “Not if it means you’ll never get hurt like that again because of me.”

 _Bloody Michael._ Lucifer felt rage rising at the thought of his twin’s manipulation of Chloe before realizing that this, like all of Michael’s schemes, was dependent on him falling prey to his own faults – pathologic self-absorption and the fear of being deemed unworthy, irredeemable and, ultimately, of being rejected. 

With everything that had happened since Dad’s abrupt decision to unabandon His children, they had never gotten back to the conversation they’d been having when Amenadiel stopped time. Instead, they'd fallen back on their customary response to one of them hurting the other – avoiding the hard conversations by focusing on the next case, the next crisis, letting the complexities of their lives paper over tender wounds without first allowing them to actually heal. It was no wonder Michael had found such fertile ground in which to plant his poisonous seeds. 

Despite the preponderance of physical evidence, he couldn’t blame Chloe for fearing the truth about his feelings for her, for needing the words. Not when he’d floundered in his own insecurities for so long, needing her to prove herself to him in both word and deed.

Lucifer had never lied to Chloe, but it was time – past time – for her to hear the whole truth. This time, he knew exactly where to start, and it wasn’t complicated at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short piece of angsty couple time, because I have so many issues with how they don't actually ever talk about their insane history.  
> Part 2 is a companion piece. from Chloe's POV.  
> There will probably be a Part 3, since we all want to hear him say it.  
> And possibly more, since they have a lot of history to reevaluate together.


End file.
